Relative

I have been embroiled in an ongoing debate here at work for the last 24 hours or so.  A professional peer heard a comment I made through a very emotional and reactive filter and responded to me in a highly emotional and reactive email. 

I was stunned by her response. My comments were not intended to be hurtful, nor did they carry any negative connotation.  To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. This particular peer has a history of being reactive and unpredictable and I've had plenty of experience treading carefully around her, tip toeing or avoiding landmines.

Given the email was sent at the end of business day yesterday and was full of reactions, accusations and misunderstanding, I replied with an email that, in my mind at least, was calm, non-reactive and hopefully setting the record straight.

Unfortunately, this professional peer has lastworditis and couldn't resist the lure of a good tit for tat and fired back yet again with an even more emotionally charged and reactive email. That's where I stepped out and said over and out. No more from me. Radio silence at this point speaks louder than a retort.

Needless to say, I got pretty fired up when I shared these emails with my husband who felt as I did--that the peer was being pretty ridiculous in her reactions and needed to calm the hell down.  My night was shot, I slept terribly and was ready to come to work and do battle.

Of course, battle ensued. More emails from the peer. Mostly radio silence from me until she started lobbing rockets across my bow and targeting my management team.  Take me on, leave my team out of this. I don't squabble and I expect professionalism, respect and courtesy.  By about 10, I'd had enough and forwarded the emails to our shared administrator (who is out of the office today but working remotely) and said this has to stop. This is inappropriate, unprofessional and not in the spirit of mutual respect.  He read them almost immediately and within minutes had booked a meeting between the three of us for next Wed. It is not my nature to run and tattle, nor is it my desire to get this peer in trouble, but I have my back to the wall and the only way out is through land minds and hand grenades.

My husband knew of the day I was having and offered to take me to lunch at my favorite downtown place. I happily accepted and had about 15 minutes to finish up and head over.

Of course that's when my phone rang and of course, that's when I picked it up thinking it was my husband. Guess who?

My professional peer screaming in my ear "so you had to get Admin involved in this??" I continue to be baffled by someone who takes an innocent "we should review this event in a few weeks and make notes for next year...it went really well but I'm sure there's some details we can work on to make it even better" as the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse and create so much passive aggressive drama I could fill reams of PassiveAggressiveNotes.com archives. Get a freaking grip, lady.  So, I lost it. It takes a lot to get me really pissed off but that was it. The gloves came off and I told her exactly what I thought of her reaction, her behavior, her emails and YES, I involved our Admin because I need him to mediate this discussion.  I finally ended the conversation by telling her I had to go.

I know I have the power to control my reactions...I can be calm and cool and not let this bother me. But I'm angry and it's tough to let it go when the other person so clearly enjoys pushing buttons and being defensive.

By the time I hung up, my husband had texted me that he had to give up our lunch reservation and he was heading to the hamburger place by his office and he'd see me tonight.

Then,  I burst into tears.

He was busy texting me his support and outrage and bless his heart, his shining armour was blinding me with it's radiance.  Yowza. Stand back, HB is on a tear!  I actually had to text him back off the ledge because he was heck bent on making sure someone at the top knew about this! Calm down, HB...cheeseburger, stress and 50 don't make a good combination. Last thing I need is a husband in the ICU with a heart attack.

Moments later, I got a CNN notification of a school shooting in Connecticut.

CNN is saying 30 are dead. Many of them children. I'd add the dramatic component of "a week before Christmas!" but really? 30 dead in a school shooting, most of them children...doesn't really need any more dramatic enhancement. So, I kept right on crying. My heart is breaking for those families. My heart breaks for the shooter and his family. It's not politically correct to feel bad for the shooter, but he was a human with a heart and soul and something inside of him was very broken. His family will have to live with what he did forever. I can't imagine that burden.

My little drama is nothing compared to what some families will be dealing with in the coming days.  My peer has a new grand baby she is off to see tonight. In my heart I wish her safe travels and the joy of her family and to be surrounded by her loved ones. Our differences are nothing.  She can be in the embrace of her relatives. There are families tonight that can't.

In the end, it is all relative.