The 2nd anniversary of losing my Dad is on Wednesday. It's there, humming in the background like the drone of a distant neighbor's lawnmower.
I never finished my story about my Dad and his health crisis. My Mom was so sick, and so sick so fast that my Dad's illness crept up on delicate little cat-feet and surprised us all.
He ended up in the hospital following Thanksgiving 2010 with congestive heart failure. He'd been (relatively) fine that fall. My Dad had fought a long battle against prostate cancer, going 18 rounds of chemo, several early rounds of radiation, experimental hormone therapies and finally in the summer of 2010, he was approved for the newly released gene therapy Provenge. Coming off that, he felt a renewed sense of hope and optimism about his health. He did have some persistent kidney issues, both a result of childhood kidney cysts and some scarring from his radiation therapy. My Dad was active and vital, working 30+ hours a week, volunteering with their Church, his model airplane club and had recently retired from 30 years of volunteering at my college alma mater. He was not one to sit and let moss grow.
The diagnosis of CHF was a surprise. I'd been home in early October to help do fall yard clean up and he was busy raking, picking up cut brush, hauling stuff to the car, making multiple trips to the dump. He'd sit and rest in between but he never gave any indication of being ill. To come home 7 weeks later for Thanksgiving, to see him curled up in his chair, unable to get up, coughing heavily and seeming really restless and uneasy was alarming. My Mom, halfway through her chemo treatments, seemed healthier than my Dad. By Saturday morning, I was calling 911 and getting him admitted into the Cardiac unit at the big hospital. He eventually spent 3 days in the cardiac intensive care unit (which he loved, bless his heart) and came home with home health assistance. I took my Mom to her chemo appointment and extended my holiday vacation by an additional week to make sure he was home and settled.
We were home again at Christmas and my Mom's health had continued to decline and my Dad wasn't looking any better. He'd been in to see the cardiologist who basically said to stick with a low sodium fluid restricted diet. He was on massive diuretics. He couldn't have some of the standard diagnostic tests or standard CHF treatments due to his kidney functions. He insisted he just needed to rest and he'd be fine. We returned to our home and I called daily to check on them. He ended up needing fluid removed from a lung and he insisted he felt better.
When the call came that my Mom's cancer was no longer responding to treatment, I headed home. I didn't know how long I'd be there, but I packed for a week or so. It was February 19. She began home hospice on Feb. 23 and she was gone on March 9. During this time, she had weekly visits from the hospice nurse who was often more concerned about my Dad. He insisted he felt fine, just tired.
The week following my Mom's death was incredibly stressful. I was hauling my Dad around town making arrangements and trying to keep him afloat. He fell outside the Church before our meeting with the Pastor to plan her funeral. He fell in the garage a few days later after getting out of the car. He fell in the house trying to get to the bathroom. Every single time my heart went to my feet and my stomach wanted to come up through my chest. His legs were swollen and wrapped in TEDS which meant he had no flexibility and lifting him back up by myself was like try to dead-lift a 170 pound frozen tuna.
My Aunt Pat from Indiana offered to stay with my Dad for a week after the funeral so I could go back to work. I needed to get in the office and get caught up. I was trying to get him to be open to coming to Minnesota to visit the clinic and get a second opinion about his care and treatment. I was beside myself trying to get him to understand that being 5 hours away from me wasn't an option given his condition and he had no relatives in the area to help him. My Aunt worked tirelessly to convince him that a week or two at the clinic would do him a world of good and by the time I got back to his house, 8 days later, he was ready to go. We needed to spend a few days in Milwaukee before coming to MN. He had a pulmonologist visit, a cardiology visit and last, a visit to his nephrologist. After that, we were going to head home together.
The week went by very quickly and my Dad was optimistic and in spite of himself, looking forward to coming to our place to stay. I secretly hoped the move would be permanent, but knew his stubborn nature would lead him back to Milwaukee. Our last visit of the week was the nephrologist, which was the doctor managing his kidney condition. My Dad has his blood work done and got the all clear from the doctor to travel. I'd made arrangements to have his medical records released to our medical center. On the way home, we stopped at Target and I ran in to pick up a few things. My Dad stayed in the car.
I was walking down the aisle when my cell phone rang. It was the nephrology physician's assistant calling to tell my Dad's blood work was back and it was really low in potassium and he needed an RX for potassium. She was going to fax it to Target where I could pick it up while I was there. I headed over the the pharmacy. The Target pharmacist is a lovely woman who was close to my parents through their Church. She saw me and came around and gave me a hug. We chatted and she said she'd go check her fax for the prescription. As I stood there, my phone rang again. It was the nephrologist.
In his Indian-accented English, he told me my Dad was in end-stage kidney failure and that he didn't have long to live. I said, how long? He said, days to weeks.
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel my feet. 14 days before, I'd lost my Mom and now I'm being told my Dad is dying. He said to call tomorrow and he would talk to my Dad about his options, which were very few. Dialysis. Hospice.
The pharmacist saw the expression on my face and came over and I told her what I'd just learned. She gave me a huge hug, which at that moment, kept me from falling on the floor. I had no legs. She said to go home and talk it over with my Dad. She said dialysis wasn't bad, but what she knew of his heart condition, it probably wouldn't be very comfortable for him.
I walked to the car, not having any idea about how I was going to tell my Dad what the doctor just told me. I got in. He looked at me and immediately knew something was wrong. He asked. I said, let's go home first. He said, no. Tell me.
So I told him. He let out a breath. I think he said a prayer and probably a swear word or two. We went home in quiet and I got him into the house, got his coat off and he headed to the bathroom. I headed to the garage and spent the next 5 minutes creating sounds I didn't even know could come from my body. It was as if all the grief and sadness and stress and anger and frustration and rage all flowed up out of this deep pool somewhere and volcanoed out of me in a hysterical fury.
When my Mom was told her treatments were no longer working and she was facing her death, she was resigned, quiet, calm, ready to be done. I don't think she was afraid of death and dying. I think my Mom was such a pessimistic person, who worried about every little detail and possible outcome, that she'd worried herself into her own grave. She knew when she was diagnosed, that she was going to die. My Mom was more afraid of the unknown than the known. My Dad loved life and was not ready for his life to be complete. He hadn't written his final chapter. He was an eternal optimist and hopeful about everything. To see him so incredibly disappointed broke my heart more than anything.
There's another nearly 3 months to this story. He found out on March 23 that his kidneys were shutting down. He lived until June 12 and there's a lot of story in the middle. I remember the many good days in those 3 months. My Dad told me stories of his childhood, of my birth, of my childhood, of our family story. We enjoyed our waning time together, our morning coffee, our afternoon book readings, our evening baseball games.
One of the hospice nurses told me she couldn't believe how strong I was...having gone through the loss of my Mom and caring full time for my Dad. Obligation and love makes one strong, I suppose. Parents do extraordinary heroic things for their children. It's what people do when they love each other. Emotions get put on hold, days blur into nights, daily personal care activities, once unthought-of are done with care and tenderness and no embarrassment. And then the moment comes when they transition from the here and now to that place beyond and the blessing that comes with being there in that moment.
Two days. I'm looking towards the other side of Wednesday.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Procrastination Pork
I know I haven't posted in weeks...but I'm still around. I haven't had much to say, haven't had any great revelations and haven't had too many profound thoughts. I think my brain is waterlogged from all the lousy, crappy, wet, rainy, foggy, cold weather we've had this spring. I have mushrooms and moss growing on my cranium! Maybe I've just been procrastinating until inspiration struck. So far, not so much inspiration.
I did create a new recipe this weekend I wanted to share. It was really tasty and I want to get it committed to "paper" before I forget it.
Spicy Marmalade Glazed Bacon-Wrapped Pork Medallions
2 1# pork tenderloins
Smoked Bacon--you'll need 6-8 strips
2-3 T Olive oil
Kosher Salt
Fresh Cracked Pepper
Garlic Powder
You will need 2-3 long bamboo skewers, soaked in water for 10-15 minutes
Marmalade Glaze
1/2 c. orange marmalade
1 T. Sriracha hot sauce
1/4 t. dried thyme or 1/2 t. fresh thyme
Clean the pork tenderloin by removing the tough silver skin and any visible fat. Plan on 2 medallions per person. Starting at the thick end of the tenderloin, cut medallions 2 1/2 - 3 inches thick. You will not use the tips--freeze those for another use. I ended up with 8 thick medallions. Press the medallions to flatten to match the width of the bacon. Wrap bacon around the outside of each medallion, overlapping the ends a little and then thread three medallions (bacon seams inside so they touch the next medallion) on each skewer. This will make turning them easier and keeps the bacon from flopping off.
Drizzle each side lightly with olive oil and sprinkle one side with kosher salt, fresh cracked pepper and a sprinkle of garlic powder. Set aside and allow to sit at room temperature about 30 minutes to temper the pork.
Prepare your grill--I use charcoal and went for medium direct heat. Clean the grill grates very well so your pork doesn't stick.
In a small bowl combine the marmalade glaze ingredients.
When your grill is ready, put the pork medallion skewers on the grill and cover. Allow to cook 3-5 minutes, then turn one rotation so that the bacon edges are grill-side down. Cover, allow to cook 3-5 minutes. Turn another one rotation so that the opposite flat side is down, cover and cook another 3-5 minutes. Turn one last time so the opposite bacon side is grill-down. Cover and cook another 3-5 minutes. (Depending on your grill, please adjust this. You want your pork to be about 140 degrees at this point.)
After grilling on all four sides, return to the first flat side down and brush half the glaze on your pork and turn it, then brush glaze on the top. Cover and cook another 3-5 minutes, then turn one last time and give it 2 minutes to brown up the glaze. Your final pork temp in the center of the thickest piece should be 155 degrees.
Remove from grill and let rest 5 minutes before serving.
These have a delicious sweet-salty-spicy mix that is a perfect compliment to the very mild pork.
I served these with grilled vegetables; asparagus, red bell pepper, broccoli, zucchini and lightly steamed baby Yukon golds that had all been tossed with olive oil, cracked pepper, a dusting of kosher salt and a light sprinkle of lemon pepper. I have a grill basket, so I put the veggies in the basket, cover it with foil (prevents them from drying out) and grilled them along with the pork. They were perfect!
I did create a new recipe this weekend I wanted to share. It was really tasty and I want to get it committed to "paper" before I forget it.
Spicy Marmalade Glazed Bacon-Wrapped Pork Medallions
2 1# pork tenderloins
Smoked Bacon--you'll need 6-8 strips
2-3 T Olive oil
Kosher Salt
Fresh Cracked Pepper
Garlic Powder
You will need 2-3 long bamboo skewers, soaked in water for 10-15 minutes
Marmalade Glaze
1/2 c. orange marmalade
1 T. Sriracha hot sauce
1/4 t. dried thyme or 1/2 t. fresh thyme
Clean the pork tenderloin by removing the tough silver skin and any visible fat. Plan on 2 medallions per person. Starting at the thick end of the tenderloin, cut medallions 2 1/2 - 3 inches thick. You will not use the tips--freeze those for another use. I ended up with 8 thick medallions. Press the medallions to flatten to match the width of the bacon. Wrap bacon around the outside of each medallion, overlapping the ends a little and then thread three medallions (bacon seams inside so they touch the next medallion) on each skewer. This will make turning them easier and keeps the bacon from flopping off.
Drizzle each side lightly with olive oil and sprinkle one side with kosher salt, fresh cracked pepper and a sprinkle of garlic powder. Set aside and allow to sit at room temperature about 30 minutes to temper the pork.
Prepare your grill--I use charcoal and went for medium direct heat. Clean the grill grates very well so your pork doesn't stick.
In a small bowl combine the marmalade glaze ingredients.
When your grill is ready, put the pork medallion skewers on the grill and cover. Allow to cook 3-5 minutes, then turn one rotation so that the bacon edges are grill-side down. Cover, allow to cook 3-5 minutes. Turn another one rotation so that the opposite flat side is down, cover and cook another 3-5 minutes. Turn one last time so the opposite bacon side is grill-down. Cover and cook another 3-5 minutes. (Depending on your grill, please adjust this. You want your pork to be about 140 degrees at this point.)
After grilling on all four sides, return to the first flat side down and brush half the glaze on your pork and turn it, then brush glaze on the top. Cover and cook another 3-5 minutes, then turn one last time and give it 2 minutes to brown up the glaze. Your final pork temp in the center of the thickest piece should be 155 degrees.
Remove from grill and let rest 5 minutes before serving.
These have a delicious sweet-salty-spicy mix that is a perfect compliment to the very mild pork.
I served these with grilled vegetables; asparagus, red bell pepper, broccoli, zucchini and lightly steamed baby Yukon golds that had all been tossed with olive oil, cracked pepper, a dusting of kosher salt and a light sprinkle of lemon pepper. I have a grill basket, so I put the veggies in the basket, cover it with foil (prevents them from drying out) and grilled them along with the pork. They were perfect!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mother Less Day
I'm dedicating this post to those of us who don't have mothers anymore.
This isn't for those who can't bear children, or who choose not to bear children or those who've lost children. This isn't about being a mother.
This is about not having a mother.
I am almost 51 and many of my contemporaries are losing their moms to age and illness. Some of us have lost them years ago and still bear the ache of that loss.
Mother's Day is a painful holiday for us. It's an unhappy club, exclusive by loss.
Reminders abound; reminders about buying the perfect gift, the perfect card, the perfect flowers, the perfect heart-shaped necklace. Reminders abound that our own mothers are no longer here to shop for, remember to send a card to, order flowers for, to make that Sunday morning phone call.
Many of us had difficult relationships with our mothers. Maybe we're more like them than we'd care to admit. Maybe our differences were so great the chasm could only be crossed by great compromise and purposeful quiet. Some of us were friends and companions or caregivers to our mothers. Some us remember our mothers as hero warrior goddesses who were impervious to the forces of day to day living and conquered mountains and armies to provide for us. Of course there are those who's moms barely held it together and lived in chaos.
Time has a way of softening the edges of our memories, sanding the burrs from the differences and difficulties and polishing the shine on our similarities and happy times. Our mothers were there to brush our hair from our forehead in the heat of fever. They wrapped their arms around us when we cried, even as teenagers when those arms embarrassed us or caused us frustration and conflict. They listened to us share our dreams and successes and held us up during our failures. Our mothers gave us the one thing no one else in the universe will ever be able to give us--absolute, unconditional, throw-yourself-in-front-of-a-train for you love. No matter how ugly or mean or spiteful or crazy or emotional we became, our mothers loved us with the same all-consuming mama bear love that they felt the moment we were first laid in their arms.
We will never know or feel that love again.
We have no choice but to accept that and sigh, look wistfully to the horizon and enjoy a private reverie, maybe shed a few quiet tears. It may be overhearing a mother and daughter in a dressing room joking around and laughing, bickering, teasing, to bring back, with the force of a thousand suns, the memories shared years earlier with your mom. Or watching a daughter link arms with her mother as they walk down the street, or seeing the back of an elderly woman's head who is the same build and stature. The reminders seem to come from no where. Every where. All at once. Or the moment you look down and see your mother's hand, realizing it's your own, or catching a glimpse in a mirror of your own face that echoes hers, or the voice you hear sounds like hers...but is your own. Or the voice whispering to you in your dreams, the fleeting misty view of her smile as she comes to you, from the other side, by your side, in the moments before you wake.
If you're reading this and you are blessed to still have your mother, hold her tight. Put aside your impatience, ego or differences and appreciate her. There will be a time, far sooner than you can imagine, that you'll be a member of this sorority. Send her a card, send her flowers, take her to brunch or do whatever you want to do to celebrate today. But tomorrow, call her, take her to lunch, tell her you love her and appreciate her and are there for her. Ask her for advice, listen to that advice. Ask her about her dreams, desires, wishes and ideas. Do whatever you can to make her life better, easier, more fulfilling. Be there for her. You won't be sorry if you do.
To my sisters and brothers in the mother less club, endure today. Enjoy your own families or find something you like to do and bury yourself in it. Try not to let the bombardment of the day make you sad. It's just another day on the calendar. Hold your memories close and know that no matter your relationship, there's a very strong likelihood, your mother loved you dearly and was incredibly proud of you.
I love you Mom. I miss you.
This isn't for those who can't bear children, or who choose not to bear children or those who've lost children. This isn't about being a mother.
This is about not having a mother.
I am almost 51 and many of my contemporaries are losing their moms to age and illness. Some of us have lost them years ago and still bear the ache of that loss.
Mother's Day is a painful holiday for us. It's an unhappy club, exclusive by loss.
Reminders abound; reminders about buying the perfect gift, the perfect card, the perfect flowers, the perfect heart-shaped necklace. Reminders abound that our own mothers are no longer here to shop for, remember to send a card to, order flowers for, to make that Sunday morning phone call.
Many of us had difficult relationships with our mothers. Maybe we're more like them than we'd care to admit. Maybe our differences were so great the chasm could only be crossed by great compromise and purposeful quiet. Some of us were friends and companions or caregivers to our mothers. Some us remember our mothers as hero warrior goddesses who were impervious to the forces of day to day living and conquered mountains and armies to provide for us. Of course there are those who's moms barely held it together and lived in chaos.
Time has a way of softening the edges of our memories, sanding the burrs from the differences and difficulties and polishing the shine on our similarities and happy times. Our mothers were there to brush our hair from our forehead in the heat of fever. They wrapped their arms around us when we cried, even as teenagers when those arms embarrassed us or caused us frustration and conflict. They listened to us share our dreams and successes and held us up during our failures. Our mothers gave us the one thing no one else in the universe will ever be able to give us--absolute, unconditional, throw-yourself-in-front-of-a-train for you love. No matter how ugly or mean or spiteful or crazy or emotional we became, our mothers loved us with the same all-consuming mama bear love that they felt the moment we were first laid in their arms.
We will never know or feel that love again.
We have no choice but to accept that and sigh, look wistfully to the horizon and enjoy a private reverie, maybe shed a few quiet tears. It may be overhearing a mother and daughter in a dressing room joking around and laughing, bickering, teasing, to bring back, with the force of a thousand suns, the memories shared years earlier with your mom. Or watching a daughter link arms with her mother as they walk down the street, or seeing the back of an elderly woman's head who is the same build and stature. The reminders seem to come from no where. Every where. All at once. Or the moment you look down and see your mother's hand, realizing it's your own, or catching a glimpse in a mirror of your own face that echoes hers, or the voice you hear sounds like hers...but is your own. Or the voice whispering to you in your dreams, the fleeting misty view of her smile as she comes to you, from the other side, by your side, in the moments before you wake.
If you're reading this and you are blessed to still have your mother, hold her tight. Put aside your impatience, ego or differences and appreciate her. There will be a time, far sooner than you can imagine, that you'll be a member of this sorority. Send her a card, send her flowers, take her to brunch or do whatever you want to do to celebrate today. But tomorrow, call her, take her to lunch, tell her you love her and appreciate her and are there for her. Ask her for advice, listen to that advice. Ask her about her dreams, desires, wishes and ideas. Do whatever you can to make her life better, easier, more fulfilling. Be there for her. You won't be sorry if you do.
To my sisters and brothers in the mother less club, endure today. Enjoy your own families or find something you like to do and bury yourself in it. Try not to let the bombardment of the day make you sad. It's just another day on the calendar. Hold your memories close and know that no matter your relationship, there's a very strong likelihood, your mother loved you dearly and was incredibly proud of you.
I love you Mom. I miss you.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Lost And Then Saved
Twice.
I've had blog posts ready to go and by some means, I've accidentally deleted them while editing.
ARGH.
I hate it when that happens. A few weeks ago I created a fairly complicated 8 page excel workbook at work, spending well over 2 hours on it. At one point, I opened an email that had an excel attachment, I opened the attachment, which had information I needed for my document. I closed that attachment, excel asked me if I wanted to save it, OF COURSE, I said NO and it closed ALL of excel and I lost my entire workbook. Rending of garments commenced. You'd think I've learned my lesson and hit SAVE SAVE SAVE with every word I type, but alas, I don't. *save*
Not much is new other than the 14 inches of snow we got on May 2. Heavy wet disgusting snow. Took down lots of trees and power lines along with the happiness quotient of everyone living in Southeastern Minnesota. Spring seemed almost within our reach and then Mother Nature decided to throw a giant hissy fit. Fortunately it's all gone now and the grass is gloriously green and lush and the trees are blooming and ready to pop out in full leaf. *save*
About two weeks ago I decided I needed to shake off my winter fugue and insulation. I've struggled with IBS for over 25 years and while I know certain foods cause a reaction, I've never been able to fully get a handle on my situation. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, I have a fairly predictable unpredictable gut that provides hours of time for reading. I also have a spare tire I'm tired of dragging around. So, I gave up white, white flour and white sugar. I've also stepped back from all sweets and processed foods and pasta and bread and anything that one would consider a simple carbohydrate. I'm not doing Atkins or Paleo or any other specific diet, but just eating protein, very modest rice, wild rice and oatmeal, vegetables and fruit. I am using the "if it's a fruit or vegetable in it's natural form" it's ok to eat. If it's processed or manufactured, I'm avoiding it. Interestingly, I feel a lot better, and my weight is starting to trend down. I harbor no illusion of getting my lumpy butt in a bikini, but I would like to wear a smaller size. The one thing I've noticed is my arthritis hasn't bothered me in a week. We went to see Trampled by Turtles (a Minnesota band--you should check them out!) the other evening and we stood for the entire concert. Normally my knees would be stiff and aching and bothering me for days after. But! Not now. They didn't hurt that evening, haven't hurt since. I have to wonder if I don't have a gluten sensitivity that's been the underlying cause of my issues. *save*
I did create a new pork tenderloin recipe this past week. I had a bag of fresh spinach and some pork tenderloins to use. Normally I'd put the pork on the grill, but my grill was encased in a glacier which left me with indoor cooking. So I butterflied them, filled them with ham, Dijon, fresh spinach and 4-Cheese blend, rolled them up, rolled them in an herb blend and baked them. They were delicious! You will have to use your imagination about how they look because I didn't take their picture.
Spinach and Cheese Stuffed Pork Tenderloin
This recipe uses two whole pork tenderloins, about a pound each. You can cut the recipe in half to create one tenderloin. I reheated the second whole tenderloin in the oven at 325 for 20 minutes and it was perfect.
2 pork tenderloins, silver skin trimmed off.
8 slices Black Forest Ham (or baked ham)
2 cups shredded Quattro Formaggio-Italian Blend cheese with Provolone, Parm, Mozz and Romano (I used Trader Joes)
1/4 c. Dijon mustard
4 c. fresh rinsed and dried spinach
In a separate bowl mix:
1/4 t. garlic powder
1/2. t. lemon pepper
1/4. t. thyme leaves
1/4. kosher salt
Also have on hand a ball of kitchen twine or string, toothpicks, a meat mallet, saran wrap and a parchment - lined baking sheet.
Preheat the over to 375.
Lay out a large area of saran wrap. Place one pork tenderloin on the saran wrap and carefully cut it down the middle like a book, taking care not to cut all the way thru. Flatten the tenderloin and cover with saran wrap. Pound the tenderloin until it is a large flat piece of meat, about 1/4-1/2" inch thick. Remove the saran.
Cover the inside of the tenderloin with 4 slices of ham. If the slices are smaller, use more, but 4 large thin slices should be enough. Spread half the Dijon mustard across the ham. Lay half the spinach on top of the ham and sprinkle with half of the cheese. It looks like a big pile but it will compress when you roll it.
Starting at the wide end closest to you, carefully roll up the tenderloin, pushing the spinach and cheese into the middle. Secure the roll tightly in several places with twine. Secure the ends with a couple of toothpicks. The ham slices will act as "insulation" to prevent the cheese from melting out.
Sprinkle half of the herb mixture over the tenderloin and rub in all over. I rolled the tenderloin on the saran wrap with the herbs. Move the tenderloin to the baking sheet, seam side down.
Repeat with the other tenderloin.
Roast in the over for about 35 minutes, testing with a meat thermometer to the thickest part of the tenderloin. It should read 150-remove from oven, TENT the tenderloin with foil and allow to rest about 5 minutes. It will continue cooking and this allows the cheese time to set.
Carve and serve.
*save*
I've had blog posts ready to go and by some means, I've accidentally deleted them while editing.
ARGH.
I hate it when that happens. A few weeks ago I created a fairly complicated 8 page excel workbook at work, spending well over 2 hours on it. At one point, I opened an email that had an excel attachment, I opened the attachment, which had information I needed for my document. I closed that attachment, excel asked me if I wanted to save it, OF COURSE, I said NO and it closed ALL of excel and I lost my entire workbook. Rending of garments commenced. You'd think I've learned my lesson and hit SAVE SAVE SAVE with every word I type, but alas, I don't. *save*
Not much is new other than the 14 inches of snow we got on May 2. Heavy wet disgusting snow. Took down lots of trees and power lines along with the happiness quotient of everyone living in Southeastern Minnesota. Spring seemed almost within our reach and then Mother Nature decided to throw a giant hissy fit. Fortunately it's all gone now and the grass is gloriously green and lush and the trees are blooming and ready to pop out in full leaf. *save*
About two weeks ago I decided I needed to shake off my winter fugue and insulation. I've struggled with IBS for over 25 years and while I know certain foods cause a reaction, I've never been able to fully get a handle on my situation. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, I have a fairly predictable unpredictable gut that provides hours of time for reading. I also have a spare tire I'm tired of dragging around. So, I gave up white, white flour and white sugar. I've also stepped back from all sweets and processed foods and pasta and bread and anything that one would consider a simple carbohydrate. I'm not doing Atkins or Paleo or any other specific diet, but just eating protein, very modest rice, wild rice and oatmeal, vegetables and fruit. I am using the "if it's a fruit or vegetable in it's natural form" it's ok to eat. If it's processed or manufactured, I'm avoiding it. Interestingly, I feel a lot better, and my weight is starting to trend down. I harbor no illusion of getting my lumpy butt in a bikini, but I would like to wear a smaller size. The one thing I've noticed is my arthritis hasn't bothered me in a week. We went to see Trampled by Turtles (a Minnesota band--you should check them out!) the other evening and we stood for the entire concert. Normally my knees would be stiff and aching and bothering me for days after. But! Not now. They didn't hurt that evening, haven't hurt since. I have to wonder if I don't have a gluten sensitivity that's been the underlying cause of my issues. *save*
I did create a new pork tenderloin recipe this past week. I had a bag of fresh spinach and some pork tenderloins to use. Normally I'd put the pork on the grill, but my grill was encased in a glacier which left me with indoor cooking. So I butterflied them, filled them with ham, Dijon, fresh spinach and 4-Cheese blend, rolled them up, rolled them in an herb blend and baked them. They were delicious! You will have to use your imagination about how they look because I didn't take their picture.
Spinach and Cheese Stuffed Pork Tenderloin
This recipe uses two whole pork tenderloins, about a pound each. You can cut the recipe in half to create one tenderloin. I reheated the second whole tenderloin in the oven at 325 for 20 minutes and it was perfect.
2 pork tenderloins, silver skin trimmed off.
8 slices Black Forest Ham (or baked ham)
2 cups shredded Quattro Formaggio-Italian Blend cheese with Provolone, Parm, Mozz and Romano (I used Trader Joes)
1/4 c. Dijon mustard
4 c. fresh rinsed and dried spinach
In a separate bowl mix:
1/4 t. garlic powder
1/2. t. lemon pepper
1/4. t. thyme leaves
1/4. kosher salt
Also have on hand a ball of kitchen twine or string, toothpicks, a meat mallet, saran wrap and a parchment - lined baking sheet.
Preheat the over to 375.
Lay out a large area of saran wrap. Place one pork tenderloin on the saran wrap and carefully cut it down the middle like a book, taking care not to cut all the way thru. Flatten the tenderloin and cover with saran wrap. Pound the tenderloin until it is a large flat piece of meat, about 1/4-1/2" inch thick. Remove the saran.
Cover the inside of the tenderloin with 4 slices of ham. If the slices are smaller, use more, but 4 large thin slices should be enough. Spread half the Dijon mustard across the ham. Lay half the spinach on top of the ham and sprinkle with half of the cheese. It looks like a big pile but it will compress when you roll it.
Starting at the wide end closest to you, carefully roll up the tenderloin, pushing the spinach and cheese into the middle. Secure the roll tightly in several places with twine. Secure the ends with a couple of toothpicks. The ham slices will act as "insulation" to prevent the cheese from melting out.
Sprinkle half of the herb mixture over the tenderloin and rub in all over. I rolled the tenderloin on the saran wrap with the herbs. Move the tenderloin to the baking sheet, seam side down.
Repeat with the other tenderloin.
Roast in the over for about 35 minutes, testing with a meat thermometer to the thickest part of the tenderloin. It should read 150-remove from oven, TENT the tenderloin with foil and allow to rest about 5 minutes. It will continue cooking and this allows the cheese time to set.
Carve and serve.
*save*
Sunday, April 21, 2013
My Beef with Mother Nature
Well, here we are, another week and another snowy, icy, sleety morning. We must have really done something to piss off Mother Nature because she sure is punishing us with this "spring." Our temps are running 15-20 degrees below normal and while we have needed the moisture, we've had storms one right after another for almost 2 months.
We had sunshine all day yesterday which felt incredible, but it never got warmer than 40. We got out for the day and took a scenic ride over to the Mississippi river. We live about 40 minutes southwest of the river and it's very scenic, both driving over and the road that runs on the Minnesota and Wisconsin side. We started in Wabasha, home of Grumpy Old Men and The National Eagle Center. The river was running a little high and very fast. There was still some ice and snow on the shaded banks, and the back pools were still icy, but the main river was open. None of the trees were budding yet and the grass is still brown. We headed north to have lunch at Reads Landing Brewing Company in Reads Landing. It's a very picturesque, very old brick storefront that has been lovingly restored with painted tin ceilings, exposed bricks and beams and a beautiful oak bar. After lunch we hopped the railroad tracks and walked to the river's edge. There were bald eagles, white pelicans, ducks, geese and herons.
We drove up to Lake City and wandered around an antique store that had once been a shell-button factory. Did you know there is a lake on the river? At a very wide spot, the river slows and Lake Pepin was created. Then we drove to Red Wing, home of Red Wing pottery and Red Wing shoes. It was a lovely day out and nice to get a big dose of Vitamin D and some fresh air!
We stopped at the grocery on the way home and burgers on the grill really sounded good. Our grocery was out of my favorite Thousand Hills ground beef, so I decided to take a leap and grind my own burger. I really hate grocery store ground beef-it's either too fatty, too watery, too mystery meat or is full of bone flecks. You never know how or where it was ground, or what all was thrown into the grinder. I managed to find my Kitchen Aid meat grinding attachment earlier in the week and figured this couldn't be too hard. So I got a nearly 4 pound Angus bottom round roast, and came home and googled "grinding your own hamburger."
As predicted, it was almost too easy. I cut the roast into small pieces, laid them out on a parchment lined baking pan and put the pan in the freezer for 20 minutes to firm up the beef. I assembled the grinding attachment and started the grill. After 20 minutes, I spent less than 5 working the beef through the grinder. It was not messy (the freezing locks the liquid into the meat so there's nothing runny or juicy) and the beef was this beautiful bowl of light fluffy ground beef. I lightly molded three patties, pressing a depression into the middle of each (when the meat cooks, it shrinks. Creating a depression in the middle prevents hockey puck burgers) and seasoned them with kosher salt, pepper and a light dusting of garlic powder. The rest of the beef is waiting for Meatloaf Monday in the fridge.
Once the grill was ready, I popped them on, gave them 4 minutes, flipped them and let them finish. I lightly buttered a couple of split bakery buns, toasted those on the grill and when the burgers hit 145 (yes, I went medium) I pulled them and let them rest a few minutes while the cheese melted on them.
I sampled an unadorned bite first, and was really impressed with the lightness and tenderness of the burger. The flavor was incredibly beefy and rich and not greasy. The roast had minimal fat and I would say the ratio was close to 90/10. This was easily one of the best burgers I'd ever had. I particularly loved the control I had over the meat--knowing what went in, when it was made and how it was made.
I will be making my own ground meat from now on. I might even be tempted to make my own sausage--I can picture some pretty amazing homemade brat patties or breakfast sausage! While I'm not a food purist--I don't need to know every hill and dale my meat comes from, and I read labels and buy minimally processed foods, we do enjoy an occasional box of Kraft Dinner. I shop mindfully, Living in Minnesota, it's difficult for 5 months out of the year to buy only local produce, unless we want to live on potatoes and rutabaga. I support local farmers when I buy happy free range chicken and eggs, local small pork producers and organic grass-fed beef. It is more expensive, but the food tastes better and I would like to think the animals are happier and live more aligned to their nature. I've used CSA in the past, but with mixed result, the weather is unpredictable and it's an expensive investment in muddy under-developed produce. We tend to buy directly from the Farmer's Market instead where we can buy fresh meats and produce in one stop.
Looking out my back window, I'm reminded of the unpredictability of the weather. Since starting this post, we've picked up nearly an inch of snow. HB just got up, walked to the window and muttered, "what the fuck."
I think that's as good as any ending for this post.
We had sunshine all day yesterday which felt incredible, but it never got warmer than 40. We got out for the day and took a scenic ride over to the Mississippi river. We live about 40 minutes southwest of the river and it's very scenic, both driving over and the road that runs on the Minnesota and Wisconsin side. We started in Wabasha, home of Grumpy Old Men and The National Eagle Center. The river was running a little high and very fast. There was still some ice and snow on the shaded banks, and the back pools were still icy, but the main river was open. None of the trees were budding yet and the grass is still brown. We headed north to have lunch at Reads Landing Brewing Company in Reads Landing. It's a very picturesque, very old brick storefront that has been lovingly restored with painted tin ceilings, exposed bricks and beams and a beautiful oak bar. After lunch we hopped the railroad tracks and walked to the river's edge. There were bald eagles, white pelicans, ducks, geese and herons.
We drove up to Lake City and wandered around an antique store that had once been a shell-button factory. Did you know there is a lake on the river? At a very wide spot, the river slows and Lake Pepin was created. Then we drove to Red Wing, home of Red Wing pottery and Red Wing shoes. It was a lovely day out and nice to get a big dose of Vitamin D and some fresh air!
We stopped at the grocery on the way home and burgers on the grill really sounded good. Our grocery was out of my favorite Thousand Hills ground beef, so I decided to take a leap and grind my own burger. I really hate grocery store ground beef-it's either too fatty, too watery, too mystery meat or is full of bone flecks. You never know how or where it was ground, or what all was thrown into the grinder. I managed to find my Kitchen Aid meat grinding attachment earlier in the week and figured this couldn't be too hard. So I got a nearly 4 pound Angus bottom round roast, and came home and googled "grinding your own hamburger."
As predicted, it was almost too easy. I cut the roast into small pieces, laid them out on a parchment lined baking pan and put the pan in the freezer for 20 minutes to firm up the beef. I assembled the grinding attachment and started the grill. After 20 minutes, I spent less than 5 working the beef through the grinder. It was not messy (the freezing locks the liquid into the meat so there's nothing runny or juicy) and the beef was this beautiful bowl of light fluffy ground beef. I lightly molded three patties, pressing a depression into the middle of each (when the meat cooks, it shrinks. Creating a depression in the middle prevents hockey puck burgers) and seasoned them with kosher salt, pepper and a light dusting of garlic powder. The rest of the beef is waiting for Meatloaf Monday in the fridge.
Once the grill was ready, I popped them on, gave them 4 minutes, flipped them and let them finish. I lightly buttered a couple of split bakery buns, toasted those on the grill and when the burgers hit 145 (yes, I went medium) I pulled them and let them rest a few minutes while the cheese melted on them.
I sampled an unadorned bite first, and was really impressed with the lightness and tenderness of the burger. The flavor was incredibly beefy and rich and not greasy. The roast had minimal fat and I would say the ratio was close to 90/10. This was easily one of the best burgers I'd ever had. I particularly loved the control I had over the meat--knowing what went in, when it was made and how it was made.
I will be making my own ground meat from now on. I might even be tempted to make my own sausage--I can picture some pretty amazing homemade brat patties or breakfast sausage! While I'm not a food purist--I don't need to know every hill and dale my meat comes from, and I read labels and buy minimally processed foods, we do enjoy an occasional box of Kraft Dinner. I shop mindfully, Living in Minnesota, it's difficult for 5 months out of the year to buy only local produce, unless we want to live on potatoes and rutabaga. I support local farmers when I buy happy free range chicken and eggs, local small pork producers and organic grass-fed beef. It is more expensive, but the food tastes better and I would like to think the animals are happier and live more aligned to their nature. I've used CSA in the past, but with mixed result, the weather is unpredictable and it's an expensive investment in muddy under-developed produce. We tend to buy directly from the Farmer's Market instead where we can buy fresh meats and produce in one stop.
Looking out my back window, I'm reminded of the unpredictability of the weather. Since starting this post, we've picked up nearly an inch of snow. HB just got up, walked to the window and muttered, "what the fuck."
I think that's as good as any ending for this post.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
WOE DOOM DESPAIR!!!!
Sorry.
Just needed to let it out. The weather here is enough to turn a happy optimist into a chain-smoking emo chick with a bad Franzia habit and a notebook full of existential haiku.
Doom Woe Misery
No sun warmth light or green
Die Mother Nature Die
(Ok, so it's not technically a haiku. If you have one better, feel free to share it in the comments)
Goodness, we've had a lot of winter. It's sleeting-snowing-icing-Lord-knows-what outside. We haven't seen the sun in nearly 2 weeks. It's April 14 and we still have winter snow piles in our front yard. We haven't had a day over 50 yet. You thought I bitched about the weather in January? Right. I now reserve the right to gripe. Enough is enough. None of our trees are budding, nothing is coming up yet, the grass is barely turning green. The only thing green is the moss growing on the north side of all our trees. Yeah, that's a real harbinger of spring.
I need to change the subject. This is way too depressing!
We had our big Catering Expo and Open House at work on Thursday. This is a huge house-wide dog and pony show that I organize and coordinate. We don't do it every year, the last one was in the fall of 2010. Our catering numbers are down a little and we're finding we field a lot of questions from Admin assistants who are new so hosting a big event like this is a great way to showcase our services, our rooms, our food and our friendly service.
OF COURSE, there was a terrible ice storm Thursday morning so schools were closed. Fortunately all of our staff made it in, but our attendance was affected about 15-20% from what we expected. The feedback forms were all really positive and on Friday, our room reservation person said she was already getting calls for bookings.
I enjoy putting on big events, but it's always a huge relief when they're over and put away. We had 9 different tables set up with place settings, centerpieces, color schemes and assorted rental items to showcase what we can do. Our sampling buffet included a couple of new salads, three hot entrees, a side dish and two desserts. There were other nibblies available in other rooms along the tour. When in doubt--feed people!
Didn't have time to do a lot of cooking this week, made a big batch of homemade chicken and noodles and had that several nights. Last night I made spaghetti with an Italian sausage and zucchini sauce that was pretty good. Just brown half a pound of bulk hot Italian sausage til done and crumbly. Drain and wipe out the skillet. Add a little olive oil and saute a 4-5 coarsely chopped mushrooms, half a diced zucchini and a chopped wedge of red bell pepper til slightly softened. You can add onion and garlic if you wish. Add one jar of your favorite marinara sauce (I used Prego Heart Smart) and add the sausage back to the sauce and vegetables and simmer about 5 minutes. I added 1/2 t. Penzeys' Italian Herbs to this. Toss with spaghetti with some freshly grated Parmesan and a salad and you've got a nice easy dinner.
Today I'm making an Eye of Round Beef Roast. It's sitting out at room temperature right now tempering before I put it in a 500 degree oven. Then you immediately knock the temp back to 475 and roast it just 7 minutes a pound (mine's 4.8#) and then turn the oven off and let it sit in the hot oven for 2 or so hours. The reviews I've read on this method all rave so I'll let you know how it turns out. I've had a taste for a good roast beef...with mashed taters and gravy. NUM!!
Here's hoping to fair weather, warm breezes and a change in attitude.
Just needed to let it out. The weather here is enough to turn a happy optimist into a chain-smoking emo chick with a bad Franzia habit and a notebook full of existential haiku.
Doom Woe Misery
No sun warmth light or green
Die Mother Nature Die
(Ok, so it's not technically a haiku. If you have one better, feel free to share it in the comments)
Goodness, we've had a lot of winter. It's sleeting-snowing-icing-Lord-knows-what outside. We haven't seen the sun in nearly 2 weeks. It's April 14 and we still have winter snow piles in our front yard. We haven't had a day over 50 yet. You thought I bitched about the weather in January? Right. I now reserve the right to gripe. Enough is enough. None of our trees are budding, nothing is coming up yet, the grass is barely turning green. The only thing green is the moss growing on the north side of all our trees. Yeah, that's a real harbinger of spring.
I need to change the subject. This is way too depressing!
We had our big Catering Expo and Open House at work on Thursday. This is a huge house-wide dog and pony show that I organize and coordinate. We don't do it every year, the last one was in the fall of 2010. Our catering numbers are down a little and we're finding we field a lot of questions from Admin assistants who are new so hosting a big event like this is a great way to showcase our services, our rooms, our food and our friendly service.
OF COURSE, there was a terrible ice storm Thursday morning so schools were closed. Fortunately all of our staff made it in, but our attendance was affected about 15-20% from what we expected. The feedback forms were all really positive and on Friday, our room reservation person said she was already getting calls for bookings.
I enjoy putting on big events, but it's always a huge relief when they're over and put away. We had 9 different tables set up with place settings, centerpieces, color schemes and assorted rental items to showcase what we can do. Our sampling buffet included a couple of new salads, three hot entrees, a side dish and two desserts. There were other nibblies available in other rooms along the tour. When in doubt--feed people!
Didn't have time to do a lot of cooking this week, made a big batch of homemade chicken and noodles and had that several nights. Last night I made spaghetti with an Italian sausage and zucchini sauce that was pretty good. Just brown half a pound of bulk hot Italian sausage til done and crumbly. Drain and wipe out the skillet. Add a little olive oil and saute a 4-5 coarsely chopped mushrooms, half a diced zucchini and a chopped wedge of red bell pepper til slightly softened. You can add onion and garlic if you wish. Add one jar of your favorite marinara sauce (I used Prego Heart Smart) and add the sausage back to the sauce and vegetables and simmer about 5 minutes. I added 1/2 t. Penzeys' Italian Herbs to this. Toss with spaghetti with some freshly grated Parmesan and a salad and you've got a nice easy dinner.
Today I'm making an Eye of Round Beef Roast. It's sitting out at room temperature right now tempering before I put it in a 500 degree oven. Then you immediately knock the temp back to 475 and roast it just 7 minutes a pound (mine's 4.8#) and then turn the oven off and let it sit in the hot oven for 2 or so hours. The reviews I've read on this method all rave so I'll let you know how it turns out. I've had a taste for a good roast beef...with mashed taters and gravy. NUM!!
Here's hoping to fair weather, warm breezes and a change in attitude.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Forgotten But Not Gone!
No, I haven't given up on the noble cause of blogging or discussing food or weather...I've just been really busy!
My favorite time of day to write and ponder is early morning. I am up every day before 6, even on the weekends. I've always been wired to early day, even as a kid I'd get up insanely early to watch cartoons or read my books. Sunday mornings were an interesting mix of Davy and Goliath, Mass for Shut-ins and the Sunday funnies until my parents got up and got me moving for Church.
During the week, I'm almost always awake before the 5:48 alarm. I get up, let the dog out, get the coffee started, empty the dishwasher, let the dog in, turn on the fish tank light, and rifle through the mail. Most of the time I turn on the local news and sometimes I read the previous evening's paper. I get most of that accomplished before 6:15. Some days I grind coffee, some days I clean the stove from the previous night's dinner mess and sometimes I start a load of wash.
Once my tasks are done, I snuggle up with a fresh first hot cup of coffee, spending 30 minutes checking email, the news headlines, hitting up the gossip columns, looking for recipe ideas and reading a few blogs. By then, the life-giving caffeine has found my brain and the sparks are starting to spark and bright ideas are taking shape. Well, maybe not entirely bright ideas, those generally come to me in the shower, but at least the fog is lifting and I can be reasonably sure which way is up.
Most weekday mornings, my time is limited. I need to get moving by 6:30 and I'm generally out the door on the way to work within an hour. I'm busy thinking about what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to pick for HB's outfit (Yes, he lets me pick out his suit and tie every day. He scoops cat boxes--we're even.) and just how much discipline I'm going to mete out to get my hair to behave. In short, I don't have time to write in the mornings. By the time I get home in the evening, I'm pretty fried and have already thunk all the great thoughts I'm going to think for the day. I get dinner going, watch the news, eat, clean up and by then, it's nearly 8 and I need to play Words with My Neglected Friends and struggle to stay awake til bedtime!
That leaves weekend mornings for spilling profound words of multiple syllables, however...the last two weekends, I've slept in.
To sum up? I've blown off this blog for sleep.
Here's some of my life in the past two weeks:
I'm bummed The Walking Dead season is over.
I'm happy The Voice is back on.
Who knew Vikings were so hot?
There's actual grass showing in our yard.
There's a winter storm headed our way later this week.
We booked our holiday cruise. We are heading to Budapest for an 8 day cruise up the Danube to Vienna, Salzburg, Bratislava and maybe some time spent in Prague before coming home. Christmas Markets here we come!
Taxes. No need to elaborate.
Easter Ham. For a week. No more ham for a while. I'm feeling hamish.
My Uncle lost his struggle with Alzheimer's. Peace at last.
Mammogram completed. Freaked out over first ever call-back for a second set of scans.
All clear. Cried when the tech told me there was nothing on the second set of scans.
Felt like the weight of the world was lifted.
Bourbon chicken, cooked quickly in the slow cooker. Don't ask.
Dead goldfish. Belly up. RIP. (FIP? Float in Peace?)
Work drama. Defies understanding, but really ignites frustration.
There's more but that's enough for now.
More to come. Sometime. Soon.
Promise.
My favorite time of day to write and ponder is early morning. I am up every day before 6, even on the weekends. I've always been wired to early day, even as a kid I'd get up insanely early to watch cartoons or read my books. Sunday mornings were an interesting mix of Davy and Goliath, Mass for Shut-ins and the Sunday funnies until my parents got up and got me moving for Church.
During the week, I'm almost always awake before the 5:48 alarm. I get up, let the dog out, get the coffee started, empty the dishwasher, let the dog in, turn on the fish tank light, and rifle through the mail. Most of the time I turn on the local news and sometimes I read the previous evening's paper. I get most of that accomplished before 6:15. Some days I grind coffee, some days I clean the stove from the previous night's dinner mess and sometimes I start a load of wash.
Once my tasks are done, I snuggle up with a fresh first hot cup of coffee, spending 30 minutes checking email, the news headlines, hitting up the gossip columns, looking for recipe ideas and reading a few blogs. By then, the life-giving caffeine has found my brain and the sparks are starting to spark and bright ideas are taking shape. Well, maybe not entirely bright ideas, those generally come to me in the shower, but at least the fog is lifting and I can be reasonably sure which way is up.
Most weekday mornings, my time is limited. I need to get moving by 6:30 and I'm generally out the door on the way to work within an hour. I'm busy thinking about what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to pick for HB's outfit (Yes, he lets me pick out his suit and tie every day. He scoops cat boxes--we're even.) and just how much discipline I'm going to mete out to get my hair to behave. In short, I don't have time to write in the mornings. By the time I get home in the evening, I'm pretty fried and have already thunk all the great thoughts I'm going to think for the day. I get dinner going, watch the news, eat, clean up and by then, it's nearly 8 and I need to play Words with My Neglected Friends and struggle to stay awake til bedtime!
That leaves weekend mornings for spilling profound words of multiple syllables, however...the last two weekends, I've slept in.
To sum up? I've blown off this blog for sleep.
Here's some of my life in the past two weeks:
I'm bummed The Walking Dead season is over.
I'm happy The Voice is back on.
Who knew Vikings were so hot?
There's actual grass showing in our yard.
There's a winter storm headed our way later this week.
We booked our holiday cruise. We are heading to Budapest for an 8 day cruise up the Danube to Vienna, Salzburg, Bratislava and maybe some time spent in Prague before coming home. Christmas Markets here we come!
Taxes. No need to elaborate.
Easter Ham. For a week. No more ham for a while. I'm feeling hamish.
My Uncle lost his struggle with Alzheimer's. Peace at last.
Mammogram completed. Freaked out over first ever call-back for a second set of scans.
All clear. Cried when the tech told me there was nothing on the second set of scans.
Felt like the weight of the world was lifted.
Bourbon chicken, cooked quickly in the slow cooker. Don't ask.
Dead goldfish. Belly up. RIP. (FIP? Float in Peace?)
Work drama. Defies understanding, but really ignites frustration.
There's more but that's enough for now.
More to come. Sometime. Soon.
Promise.
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